A few points to illustrate how my thoughts are shifting;
-Last month I did my first 10K with Phil. I went out with my usual thought of doing what I could, however fast my body would let me. And I was shocked when I finished in just under an hour. My fastest 10K on foot was an hour and 26 minutes... even jumping down almost half an hour didn't quite click. To further point out my brain's stubbornness, I would like to say that I was extremely excited when I pulled off this feat about two years ago on foot, except it was taking 21 minutes off my half PR. One would think the 10K would catch more attention.....
-Last week I did my first 5K with Phil. Someone asked me what my goal was for the day and instead of my usual desire to just cross the finish line, a longtime, secret hope came out of my mouth without permission; I wanted to finish under 30 minutes. I started with a little extra push with that thought, and all the extra cheers the announcer guy encouraged.
There I go, taking off down the street!
When I came in, the clock was at 21 minutes. It didn't occur to me until I got my official result in an email a few minutes later that, with my 5 minute head start, I had still made my goal with 4 minutes to spare. With that happy thought, I went about changing clothes and switching chairs, cheering in friends that were also in the 5K, congratulating them on their age group awards, then going back and forth between the awards announcements (to see them get their awards) and the finish line (to see my rabbit friend finish up pacing the half). Due to some stalling at the awards, I was able to see said finish and go back to the awards, ready to cheer more. To my surprise, Announcer Guy called me up for 3rd place in my age group and 1st place for the wheelchair! The only award I've ever gotten was because I was the only one in my age group and so far I haven't been eligible for awards in the chair, so earning two at one race when I was perfectly happy just to have made my goal was a little overwhelming.. and very exciting!
All of us with our age group awards!!
-This weekend seems to have been the official turning point. On Saturday I went hiking at Point Lobos with Saber. On the way out, while going over rocks and down hills I would eventually have to go back over and up, I realized my brain had switched back to my old thoughts of it being just another part of the day. Just a few weeks ago I would have been looking around for an alternative route just in case I couldn't do it or wondering if there would be someone to offer a little help if I got stuck. I got a lot of comments about whatever section being a challenge, some encouragement and questions, one guy even proclaimed I had arms of steel, but I never once wondered how I would get back. I just knew I would.
On Sunday I went out for a 7 mile run with Phil. On foot, seven miles was a daunting, almost 2 hour adventure that usually involved taking it easy the rest of the day. With Phil, my plan automatically formed around the run taking a little over an hour, then I could meet my parents at a festival and walk around with Saber for a few hours. Seven miles is the farthest I've gone with Phil so far. Looking back eight years at my initial start into walking/running, I had to be so careful with my knee whenever I increased mileage. Now it's just another training day. Today my shoulders/arms are sore, but it's the regular kind, not the ice-it-for-days-and-stay-off-it kind.
This all dawned on me last night while I was working on Phil as we watched a movie and it's strange to know that shift happened on its own. I know that on the surface it seems that I had mostly accepted being in the chair, but it really is another mindset that I had to grasp on a whole other level. In the last eight years, I rarely accepted the title of "runner" because I didn't feel like one for a long time and when I did I felt I was firmly in the back of the middle of the pack... and I felt comfortable there. Now, not only am I faster than I've ever been, I'm getting thrown to the front of the pack and I'm fighting to hold my place there. Maybe deep down, I feel like I have to earn the front by doing more than just getting in a chair, but more likely I'm a kid that's been given something they never thought they could have and I just want to see how fast it can go.
