8 Years

 

Eight years ago today, I was told I had to stop running. And I took it hard. Even though I had expected it and my doctor had been telling me that for years, this was the first time I agreed with him and it just felt so final. I had to pull over on my way home because I had started crying too hard... in a moment of wanting some support, but not wanting to talk just yet, I posted on Facebook "Inspiring words list. Go." That list of words became a keychain, then a bit of artwork, which I just updated to the one above. To see the keychain and more of what I was feeling that day, you can read my old post.

Eight years doesn't really seem like a major milestone, but the reason for that is the painting below; in the weeks after being told to stop running, I answered a lot of questions and one of my comments was after my second knee surgery I had been told to think of it as I had limited miles on my knee and those miles were up. A few sarcastic follow up questions wondering how many that was led me to figure it out. On a knee that shouldn't have carried me thorough my first half marathon, I completed 13 half marathons (and an ultra marathon!) and 458 event miles over 8 years.

Eight years as a runner with a messed up leg opened up a whole new world to me. I had been told to stop before I even started, but I became convinced I needed to be active to avoid another surgery and other health problems. So I stubbornly pushed forward, and just kept pushing; I found a determination that I had forgotten long ago. More importantly, I found a strength I had never known, both physically and mentally.

Eight years as an adaptive athlete has been possible because of that strength. Most people, especially doctors, have no idea adaptive sports even exist and tell me to stop at every turn due to a lack of education, and I'm happy to change their minds. I now know that being active has saved me in many ways, and I wasn't going to stop just because I had some pieces that don't work. In these eight years, I've learned focus and I've been a part of several teams, finding a level of cooperation and learning from mistakes that I never knew and didn't really know were supposed to exist. These things made me confident enough to coach others. To be able pull able-bodied athletes and potential adaptive athletes into the game. To encourage mistakes as a moment to learn, to show them that athletes don't have to follow a standard way to move. To simply try.

Progress Not Perfection

 About five years ago, my body started to succumb to the dysautonomia that I believe I've had since I was 16. This was worsened by the recovery from an appendectomy; it was that slowed recovery that finally got the right attention and my diagnosis. The damage had been done at that point. My endurance was gone, my strength was inconsistent, my fatigue was horrible. Since starting treatment a couple years ago, I've slowly been working back to my preferred level of activity.

I think you've noticed that level is high.

This eight month quarantine has given me an opportunity to take a leap forward in my progress. Before the quarantine, most of my energy was spent traveling from place to place; having most of my meetings and appointments through video now gives me more time.

It started at the end of March with a threat to challenge one of my mamas to a race with our walkers. I made it around the corner and back.. not quite a quarter mile. I started riding my bike again just to make it a couple miles to the trail to see the water, then rest and ride home. As the trails became a little less crowded and I felt safe to, I even started to take my racing wheelchair out for a 5K when I could.

That all worked and my stubborn came out... I set a goal to do something each day, then at least 30 minutes each day, and I'm currently gunning for 45 minutes and more specific goals. I'm walking with a cane and a leg brace now and just made it to 2 miles. I accidentally rode over 10 miles for a fun Halloween neighborhood trail of six stops with spooky stories... by accidentally, I mean I didn't know how far it would take me, but I figured I'd be close enough to my house to ride home and switch to my car if I needed to; I just had one more stop when I did stop at home for a quick recharge and decided to go for it. And I've been out with my racing wheelchair more in the last eight months than I have in the last few years; I haven't gotten much faster or gone much farther, but I'm getting out there and that's more than I can say I used to do.

At this point, I find I'm less afraid to try things or to make plans. I'm more confident about walking and staying upright; I still walk like a drunk pirate, but I'm used to it. I also surprise everyone at rowing by standing up on the dock by myself, or pushing my wheelchair for a few steps.. my foot drop is unfortunately becoming more pronounced with the walking though (my AFO brace is on the shoes I don't wear to rowing). It really says something about my progress that even though my balance or my leg haven't improved, my endurance and fatigue have vastly improved, and with them my mindset has changed. I can do this.

Rowing Wins!

I recently celebrated three years of rowing. This is significant because all the other sports that have been my main focus only lasted two years or less for various reasons. This is also the first time I've had a coach; I've had mentors in other sports (wheelchair racing, paratriathlon, archery) or I've had coaches in sports that were not my focus (sitting volleyball, wheelchair basketball, wheelchair lacrosse). But really, for five years, I was essentially coaching myself and making it up as I went along... now I get to consult while someone else makes it up as we go along.

I know that seems like a lot of sports (I've tried even more!) and I can't say I'm great at any of them, but after years of being told I couldn't do things because of a messed up knee, I've been determined to try anything someone wanted to teach me. I've always been athletic, so missing out on that for many years took a toll I didn't really realize until I rebelled against being told to essentially sit out on everything. Lucky for me, my defining characteristic as an athlete is that I'm extremely coachable and willing to keep trying. I make coaches tear up a little whenever they catch me doing drills without being told.

My rowing coach found me as I was still trying to recover from an appendectomy a year before, struggling to sit up on my own, just starting to lose feeling in my hand, and had no endurance. Three years later, while I my hand is much worse, I'm stronger overall than I have been in a long time and I've been able to improve my endurance dramatically, especially through this long quarantine. And I loved my years as a trail runner exploring all kinds of trails, but I feel the most at home on the water or even being near water.. I always have. A couple years ago, after being told I was a natural in a few different paddle sports, I wondered why I had waited so long to try any of them!

Most importantly, I feel like rowing is the first sport I really chose. Or maybe it chose me. I did wheelchair racing because the running world was familiar, paratriathlon because I think I had something to prove, and archery was the only sport I could manage at that time. Don't get me wrong, I love all those sports and they're all still part of what I do, as cross training or just some fun. Rowing just holds a special place in my heart... and I'm pretty sure it's stuck with me now ;)

Support Your Friends

 I'm going to step out of my medical sphere for a minute and talk about a different kind of support... when I lost my last job, I just didn't feel healthy enough to get another part-time job, so I took a couple coaching/outreach positions and decided to focus more on my design and art. The two positions are currently not in play for different reasons, so my only income for last few months has been through graphic design, Etsy, and other various selling platforms I'm on. And quite honestly, I'm not doing well.

Don't get me wrong, I'm selling and becoming more known through my sales, social media, and Pinterest, just not enough to comfortably make it through another month.. and everything I saved while I had those other jobs is quickly going away. So I'm currently learning more about Pinterest to boost attention, but I also need your help.

By help, I mean pretty much anything helps! Comment on this post, even if it's just an emoji; likes are great, but comments get the post seen by more people. Comment on my posts on my Team Tsunami page to get that seen more as well. Re-pin my products on Pinterest, find me on Instagram. If you've purchased something from me, leave a review... if you can't leave a review, post a photo and tag me, I will happily repost! Tag someone you think will like what I do. And definitely go shopping!

And while I'm here, here's information on my various platforms:

Etsy: I make the string doll keychains, trial map necklaces, and decals; the stickers have been made from my artwork; I hand paint the hats and can use pretty much any of my decal designs for them; and the clothing (mostly leggings and neck gaiters) are my designs, but made by another company... the leggings are seriously my favorite, SO soft and comfortable (I do have full length and plus size options, just let me know!)

Spreadshirt (shirt shop in the shopping link): I've had this shop for a while, the shirts and printing are great quality.. pretty much all of my shirts have come from this site. And again, I do have more shirt/hoodie options I can look through if you're looking for something specific. 

Redbubble: my new favorite! They place my artwork on SO many things! And the prices are good and I've heard good things about the various products from friends who have ordered.. hoodies, stickers, pouches, phone cases, shirts (for women's sizes, make sure you look at the sizing charts, they do seem small; I've only ordered mens). I'm currently obsessed with the shower curtains, pillows, and giant scarf ;)

Spoonflower (fabric shop in the shopping link): unfortunately expensive, but it comes fast. My mom has made some awesome things from the cotton and the denim (my wheelchair cover!), and a friend just made me an awesome skirt from the swim fabric. At the moment, I just have adaptive and rowing patterns on there, but if you want one of my designs on fabric, let me know!

THANK YOU!!

Here's my link to all my shops and Pinterest; https://linktr.ee/TeamTsunami