The Kindness of Others

I started my fundraiser for my wheelchair racer (http://www.giveforward.com/teamkerry) and have learned some things in the process.... It's humbling to ask for money/help for yourself.

Eight years ago, when I signed up for Train To End Stroke with the American Stroke Association, the fundraising part was much scarier than the running/walking part for me. It's something that I look back on now as a major part of my transforming into the person I am now because I was a first-hand witness at what one person can inspire in others around them.. even those you had never met before.

Now I'm fundraising specifically for me.. albeit while simultaneously fundraising/coaching for Start Training with the Heart & Stroke Association.... and being a committee member/team captain for Relay For Life. I'm not saying any of that to boast, I'm saying that because last night I finally realized why I've been a victim of insomnia all week. I'm feeling pulled in too many directions, and I feel like I'm not up to par on any of them. At the beginning of the year, I decided that Start Training had most of my volunteering attention until their event in May, and would still take a small committee role for Relay, but the team captain part wouldn't get my full attention until May for the event in August. That was working really well... until I was going to Relay meetings once a month and seeing how much more we're doing this year, marking Start courses on Friday afternoons, going to Saturday trainings when I can, reading too many emails, learning about a second season for Start (who's event will be the week before Relay), life getting in the way.. and, of course, trying to raise some money to get myself a racer so I can still do what I'm encouraging so many others to do.

The bigger problem is I feel guilty for my own fundraiser when there are these other commitments I have. Whenever I post about my racer on Facebook, I force myself to wait before I post about the others because my initial reaction is to post all at once so that I feel that I've done something.

The lesson here is I can be passionate about all these things I do, but I don't have to put so much of myself into all of them, all at once. That I need to ask for help more and not be afraid of feeling weak for doing so. Most of all, I found that I'm still learning to accept the kindness of others as just that. Simple kindness.. people helping me just to help me.

No strings attached.

A random group of people circling around ready to help me, to provide support, to remind me I'm not alone. I'll never be able to come up with words for what I feel right now, so simply, Thank You.