A Year In Review

I started 2013 in an entirely new direction that had lurked in the back of my mind for years, but I don't think I ever really believed I would have to follow that path. My legs had been mostly taken away from me in late 2012. And instead of sitting on the sidelines, I decided to turn to wheelchairs.

To run with. To walk with, when needed. Someday, to ride with.

The year has been a roller coaster of highs and lows, physically and emotionally. I have had to learn to become active in an entirely new way. I have learned to travel with a wheelchair (or two). I have made some new friends and lost some old ones. I have had to adapt to a world I thought I knew, but is entirely new from this different perspective.

I have been in and out of doctors' offices all year, even spent a couple months in physical therapy, and  didn't really get closer to an answer. In early December, after stopping the physical therapy because I wasn't benefitting from it, Dr P decided the problem probably is not orthopedic. My next doctor is a rheumatologist; Dr P is afraid that all the damage I've taken is causing my body to attack my legs or a lot of the damage is a result of said attacking. I will be tested for different kinds of arthritis, lupus, and anything else the new doctor suspects. It is nice to feel like I'm on a path that has a destination at this point.

Physically, I started this year off in fairly good condition. I was building up my upper body to be able to push the chairs and I was still able to ride my bike and walk a good distance on my own. However, I quickly lost strength in my legs. May was the last time I comfortably rode a bike on my own and my birthday in July was my last real ride (with the wonderful help of my tandem partner). My walking time went down until I was forced to use my cane on a regular basis, Saber when I would be on my feet too long. On the other hand, my upper body strength and endurance has built up to taking me 21 miles in a racing chair and climbing some hills in a street chair. I went from moving pretty slow and taking breaks during a day at the Disney Parks to playing all day and doing just fine. Also, I finally got to try out a hand cycle and now I look forward to the day I can get one!

I made some changes in my relationships. I've changed a lot over the years, especially these last few years... I went from a shy kid that didn't know how to say no and probably just agreed to things to avoid confrontation/to make everyone else happy, to someone that has learned to express opinions, refuses to settle for second-best, and learned that all those people that were happy to keep taking and rarely giving back were just taking advantage of me. That final jump in realizing that some relationships were unhealthy for both parties led me to letting go of some people... It was a hard process with some, a gentle pull back from others, some even felt the pull and decided to fight for me. I also made some new and wonderful friends in this process and I am forever grateful to have met them at just the right time.

Emotionally, there are the high times of accomplishing something new and the low times of missing the things I was able to do before. I was able to help my Start Training team to their half marathon during the beginning of the year. I pushed my way through starting my own training over from the beginning. Found the friends ready and willing to pull me back up when training wasn't going so well, or I lost another activity to my dwindling legs... and those same ones that were more than happy to cheer me on when training was going well or I got to try something new. I made it through another Relay For Life with a whole new team, and lots of extra help in the background. I finished my first half marathon in a wheelchair and made new friends in the process. I started making new plans, new traditions for the holidays.... then I lost my brother, one of my biggest supporters, just a few weeks ago. He never really understood my jumping headfirst into the art world or the running/active world, but he was proud of me in his own way; he expressed it by telling others about the tattoos I designed and in calling me Hop-A-Long (we were complicated, but it worked for us ;) ).

I finished the year with a broken heart, but also with a soaring one. For every person that circled around me when I made the move to a wheelchair, another stepped in to help hold me up when my brother passed. And so I'm heading into 2014 with a hope to continue to grow, to keep following my heart wherever it may lead me.

Thank you all for a wonderful year. I love you.