Once again, I was given the honor of getting the cyclists started, which means I got to talk to every athlete (it's a time trial, so they start one at a time on the minute). I asked all of them how they were doing and I got various reports of good, awesome, outstanding (modified to outsitting.. and was given permission to use that), and sore/tired from their other events so far (I learned every athlete has to sign up for at least three events over the four days).
One gentleman stood out among all those; he looked at me while fighting the tears in his eyes and told me he wasn't doing so well.
That day was the anniversary of losing his first female soldier.
I didn't ask how long ago because I'm positive the fresh pain in his eyes will look the same every year. After a quick pause (I was not expecting that..), I simply gave him what I hope was a reassuring smile and told him I hoped his ride would help him get through the day, that it was good to be surrounded by so many people that understand what he's going through. He sat up a little straighter and gave me a bit of a smile, then pointed to the man in front of him and the man behind him, and told me his guys were taking good care of him... they would make sure he got through the ride and the day. I saw him later as I was on my mission to grab a bike to take my own lap around the course; he gave me a real smile and a thumb's up for my switch into my stolen hand cycle.
I think we're fed the images of the hardened soldier or the wounded warriors that we forget that these men and women are so haunted by what they've seen and experienced... but also so supported by those that have been through the same things. It's truly a team environment; comradery through the sport competition and branch rivalry; the truest, most beautiful form of "no man left behind".
In general, I hope these veterans found an activity they really enjoy and will continue with, some new confidence in being able to try so many adaptive sports, and finding new friends that are doing the same things because this is where I can really relate with them; I come alive again every time I try something new that I didn't think/know I could do and I see the same spark in them all through the weekend. For this gentleman, I hope he found some peace in the day, in his ride, and in the people he was surrounded by.... and that his guys are with him again at this time next year to help keep an eye on him. I hope everyone that needs some guys know they can reach out for help.
Most of all, I'm proud of this man for telling me (someone he didn't know) what he was going through, not trying to hide his tears, and for accepting my awkward reassurances that there was help all around him.
On the same, but lighter note, here are some of my other moments;
-After 5 months of archery, I taught/coached for my first time and was able to celebrate my student's first X with her! I had told her my goal for the day was for her to consistently hit the target.. I didn't care where, as long she got those arrows into the target. She had a bit of a learning curve during the two practice rounds, then got better and better through the scoring rounds. And her smile got bigger and bigger. We even bonded over our problem body parts all falling on the left side.
-One of the men that was on my archery line didn't need any coaching despite just learning the day before. Whenever I told him what he was doing well, he shrugged and said he was just doing what they had told him to do. He gave me a bit of a shy smile at the end of the scoring when I told him he had a really great score (seriously, I think he averaged mostly 9s) and a hell of a draw. He ended up getting gold in his category, and he came over afterwards to give me a big smile and a handshake.
-Just have to mention the giggle of the large man when he got to meet the Clydesdale from Horses Healing Heroes
-Most of the cyclists were pretty anxious to get started by the time they got to me, after waiting in the line for however long. One woman near the beginning was extra ready to go and unfortunately had the two people before her not show up.. meaning she had to wait an extra couple minutes with no one in front of her. I had to hold her back after the person in front of her left, and got her distracted with a question. I then had to hold her back at the next minute, even held my clipboard up in front of her, which had my partner for the day come over laughing (I had already had to tell him I would be sending people to him, and not to get cocky calling them over without me) and the woman laughing about getting too anxious, causing me to penalize her before she even got moving! I found her afterwards to ask how her ride went and she came right over to give me a hug; due to a complication in the sign ups, she officially got 2nd place for the 5 mile distance, and unofficially got gold for the 10 mile.
-The cyclists that insisted I get out on the course as well when my job was done, despite my not being a vet. One even announced "we welcome everyone!" Then getting cheered just as loudly as the others on the course, especially once they noticed my orange volunteer shirt.
-I talked with a woman who has been meaning to visit BORP, especially the cycling center because regular bikes are so uncomfortable at this point and she wants to get into triathlons. She absolutely brightened up when I told her to get down there as soon as possible to try some bikes, how it'll change everything! When her wife came over, she insisted on getting a picture with me and my friend that works at BORP to remind her to go.
-The men, my newfound friends, that gathered with me at the first awards ceremony when I chose to hang back to watch and not only included me in their conversation, but also asked questions about me. They happily greeted me the next day at the cycling event and welcomed me back into the group at the next awards ceremony. I'll most remember the moment when I was telling them about my leg and said my frustration levels have gotten to the point of telling the doctors to amputate, that the solution isn't high on my list, but it is on there. One of the men, with a still healing amputation, looked me right in the eye and told me that I have to do what I have to do, that he didn't think anything less of me for wanting that on any level, and he had respect for me knowing how hard of a decision that is.
-I went over to the basketball clinic and they didn't have enough chairs, so Saber got to go out on the court with me... and I fell twice; once because I wasn't strapped in and once because I forgot I can't lean back that far while not in a basketball chair. Both times, there was a moment of getting me back up and/or untangled from my chair and making sure I was okay, but never sympathy.. the first time, they asked if I needed help getting back in the chair, but quickly took it back as I hauled myself up; the second time, there was more concern because I went backwards and hit hard, but as soon as I smiled and told them I just added some bruises, we continued on. It was nice to be around people that don't think I'm going to break just because of my chair, but also to be an example to those with a fresh injury or new to adaptive sports in being able get back up and keep going. When we were done with the quick scrimmage, one of the guys complimented me on throwing myself into the game and the others agreed.
-I finally(!) got to try wheelchair tennis! Taught by a friend that had been in the Paralympics, who proclaimed by the end that I had a really good start and should take up the sport... even told me about a group that practices on Saturdays in San Jose.
*Aaaaaand a final side note; the other man that was on my line in archery shot with his mouth, which often brought over the gentleman representing the Paralympics and coaching, as he also shoots with his mouth. He introduced himself to me and asked about my archery background, then told me to get in contact with the archery coach because they need women on the team and he was impressed that I prefer the traditional bow.
That day was the anniversary of losing his first female soldier.
I didn't ask how long ago because I'm positive the fresh pain in his eyes will look the same every year. After a quick pause (I was not expecting that..), I simply gave him what I hope was a reassuring smile and told him I hoped his ride would help him get through the day, that it was good to be surrounded by so many people that understand what he's going through. He sat up a little straighter and gave me a bit of a smile, then pointed to the man in front of him and the man behind him, and told me his guys were taking good care of him... they would make sure he got through the ride and the day. I saw him later as I was on my mission to grab a bike to take my own lap around the course; he gave me a real smile and a thumb's up for my switch into my stolen hand cycle.
I think we're fed the images of the hardened soldier or the wounded warriors that we forget that these men and women are so haunted by what they've seen and experienced... but also so supported by those that have been through the same things. It's truly a team environment; comradery through the sport competition and branch rivalry; the truest, most beautiful form of "no man left behind".
In general, I hope these veterans found an activity they really enjoy and will continue with, some new confidence in being able to try so many adaptive sports, and finding new friends that are doing the same things because this is where I can really relate with them; I come alive again every time I try something new that I didn't think/know I could do and I see the same spark in them all through the weekend. For this gentleman, I hope he found some peace in the day, in his ride, and in the people he was surrounded by.... and that his guys are with him again at this time next year to help keep an eye on him. I hope everyone that needs some guys know they can reach out for help.
Most of all, I'm proud of this man for telling me (someone he didn't know) what he was going through, not trying to hide his tears, and for accepting my awkward reassurances that there was help all around him.
On the same, but lighter note, here are some of my other moments;
-After 5 months of archery, I taught/coached for my first time and was able to celebrate my student's first X with her! I had told her my goal for the day was for her to consistently hit the target.. I didn't care where, as long she got those arrows into the target. She had a bit of a learning curve during the two practice rounds, then got better and better through the scoring rounds. And her smile got bigger and bigger. We even bonded over our problem body parts all falling on the left side.
-One of the men that was on my archery line didn't need any coaching despite just learning the day before. Whenever I told him what he was doing well, he shrugged and said he was just doing what they had told him to do. He gave me a bit of a shy smile at the end of the scoring when I told him he had a really great score (seriously, I think he averaged mostly 9s) and a hell of a draw. He ended up getting gold in his category, and he came over afterwards to give me a big smile and a handshake.
-Just have to mention the giggle of the large man when he got to meet the Clydesdale from Horses Healing Heroes
-Most of the cyclists were pretty anxious to get started by the time they got to me, after waiting in the line for however long. One woman near the beginning was extra ready to go and unfortunately had the two people before her not show up.. meaning she had to wait an extra couple minutes with no one in front of her. I had to hold her back after the person in front of her left, and got her distracted with a question. I then had to hold her back at the next minute, even held my clipboard up in front of her, which had my partner for the day come over laughing (I had already had to tell him I would be sending people to him, and not to get cocky calling them over without me) and the woman laughing about getting too anxious, causing me to penalize her before she even got moving! I found her afterwards to ask how her ride went and she came right over to give me a hug; due to a complication in the sign ups, she officially got 2nd place for the 5 mile distance, and unofficially got gold for the 10 mile.
-The cyclists that insisted I get out on the course as well when my job was done, despite my not being a vet. One even announced "we welcome everyone!" Then getting cheered just as loudly as the others on the course, especially once they noticed my orange volunteer shirt.
-I talked with a woman who has been meaning to visit BORP, especially the cycling center because regular bikes are so uncomfortable at this point and she wants to get into triathlons. She absolutely brightened up when I told her to get down there as soon as possible to try some bikes, how it'll change everything! When her wife came over, she insisted on getting a picture with me and my friend that works at BORP to remind her to go.
-The men, my newfound friends, that gathered with me at the first awards ceremony when I chose to hang back to watch and not only included me in their conversation, but also asked questions about me. They happily greeted me the next day at the cycling event and welcomed me back into the group at the next awards ceremony. I'll most remember the moment when I was telling them about my leg and said my frustration levels have gotten to the point of telling the doctors to amputate, that the solution isn't high on my list, but it is on there. One of the men, with a still healing amputation, looked me right in the eye and told me that I have to do what I have to do, that he didn't think anything less of me for wanting that on any level, and he had respect for me knowing how hard of a decision that is.
-I went over to the basketball clinic and they didn't have enough chairs, so Saber got to go out on the court with me... and I fell twice; once because I wasn't strapped in and once because I forgot I can't lean back that far while not in a basketball chair. Both times, there was a moment of getting me back up and/or untangled from my chair and making sure I was okay, but never sympathy.. the first time, they asked if I needed help getting back in the chair, but quickly took it back as I hauled myself up; the second time, there was more concern because I went backwards and hit hard, but as soon as I smiled and told them I just added some bruises, we continued on. It was nice to be around people that don't think I'm going to break just because of my chair, but also to be an example to those with a fresh injury or new to adaptive sports in being able get back up and keep going. When we were done with the quick scrimmage, one of the guys complimented me on throwing myself into the game and the others agreed.
-I finally(!) got to try wheelchair tennis! Taught by a friend that had been in the Paralympics, who proclaimed by the end that I had a really good start and should take up the sport... even told me about a group that practices on Saturdays in San Jose.
*Aaaaaand a final side note; the other man that was on my line in archery shot with his mouth, which often brought over the gentleman representing the Paralympics and coaching, as he also shoots with his mouth. He introduced himself to me and asked about my archery background, then told me to get in contact with the archery coach because they need women on the team and he was impressed that I prefer the traditional bow.
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