The other day, I went to a local arts festival. I lost myself in the creativity of others, wandering up and down the street, dodging the other people doing the same thing I was. Until a gentleman stopped me. He was also in a wheelchair and began asking me questions about my chair. He asked about my backrest (or lack of; my backrest is rather low and I told him I didn't need it up high, like his was), then commented on my footrest... the conversation moved to asking me if I took care of myself and was able to drive. He told me he couldn't drive and was taken care of, then gave me an embarrassed look and apologized because his speech was "crap". It had been obvious through our conversation that he carefully formed each word and had a bit of an accent on top of that. I told him there was no reason to apologize because he was doing just fine.
He absolutely brightened up at my words and thanked me... he then gave me a high five and wished me a good day. His reaction has haunted me since then. How many people just stare at him when he speaks? What does his therapist and/or caregiver tell him each day? His doctor? Anyone else he comes across on a regular basis? How much patience does he usually receive (or not) that he felt compelled to apologize to me?
As compared to talking to most people, his speech wasn't great, but for him it was probably a fabulous achievement. Something to be proud of. And now I absolutely doubt that it has ever been addressed that way for him. How can we expect people to improve when all we do is knock them down? Or hold everyone to the same ideals? That's a sure way to hold someone back, regardless of their abilities; a world class athlete does not make it to the top by only expecting them to run to the end of the block, and someone recently injured cannot make it to the end of the block if we automatically set their goal at running as far or as fast as possible. A small goal to that athlete can be a monumental achievement to someone else... hell, I hear stadium-like cheering every time I stand up on the first try. Just a few years ago, I never thought twice about standing up being a moment to cheer on.
A little further down the street, another gentleman asked me another question.. after talking about all the sports I play, he asked if I felt myself getting older. I paused for a moment; not because I had to think about the answer, but because I wanted him to understand what my transition to the wheelchair and adaptive sports has done for me, but also what sports had done for me in the first place.
"I've been 'old' since I was 13. I was a teenager and early 20-something with knees older than my grandparents. I was told all the things I couldn't do and wouldn't be able to do. And I listened, I sat on the sidelines and everything got worse. After my second surgery, I stopped listening and started running. Eventually, I added in hiking and biking. I was still pretty limited because the damage had been done, but at least I was moving. I was even improving until my whole leg decided to join in.... and that's what put me in the wheelchair. Trying out and participating in adaptive sports actually makes me feel younger than ever. I have different limitations now, but I have them in a world determined to overcome them, with people ready to help me figure out how to keep going. The rules or the equipment change to make things possible rather than me hitting a wall and needing to sit out the things I can't do."
Sometimes I wonder how things would have been different if I had just one person tell me what was possible rather than what was out of my reach, how much damage could have been prevented if I had been encouraged to play sports rather than giving me a note to sit them out.
After those two conversations, I now wonder if I would have reacted like that first gentleman if someone had simply told me I was doing well. That the things I thought were wrong or damaging to others around me weren't so bad. How much more would I have tried if someone told me I was doing okay? And that they were proud of what I had achieved despite being told I couldn't....
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