A Peaceful Moment

I found this place quite a few years ago when I was having problems with my family. I would wander the Hayward and San Leandro shorelines for hours, just to avoid being at home. One day, I headed off the main path and found this. It's called Hayward Landing.. our very own glass beach. At first glance, everything was broken here and I felt like I fit in. I stood at that furthest point, practically in the water and just let the world continue on without me, watching the water rush by. When I finally looked around at shards of glass and broken pottery at my feet, I realized that nothing was broken here. All the pieces had become something new. A part of something new. Their edges had been smoothed by their journey to this resting spot, and made it a peaceful place for me.

I eventually realized that I wasn't broken either. I was just still working on some of my edges.

My runs after work took me here, either to pass by with a smile or to stop for a moment and let the peace wash over me again. I came here to say goodbye to my aunt since I couldn't make it to the funeral. When I had to stop running, I still walked here for as long as I could.. then found a shorter path when I couldn't anymore. And it took a few weeks to finally go, but the first time I pushed myself out there with Saber was to say goodbye to my brother; I pushed as far as I could, then walked out to that point to let the water rush past me again. I was even surrounded by a small flock of birds that I am convinced were just for me.

Today was the first time I had been out in quite some time... I've been feeling unsettled lately and something inside said this was the solution. I can't go out nearly as far as before, but there's still something peaceful about sitting as far out as possible and letting the world pass me by. To watch the water rush past. To look at the pieces that have found a new home. A new place to belong. At least for the moment.

And once again, I realized that I'm not quite as lost as I feel. That I'm simply trying to settle into a place where I truly belong.