My Superpower

 One of my greatest assets is my ability to just keep pushing. Physically and mentally.. it's a great way to reach goals, but I have to be careful not to drive myself into the ground. Every superpower has its downside.

I thought I had lost the ability; not entirely, my stubborn still drives me when I need it, but that usual push has felt out of my reach. I thought it was coming back with my push to walk again, to get my endurance back. A conversation with a friend made me realize it's always been there.

It's been there every morning as I force myself out of bed. Every time I stand up, knowing I'll stumble around with my cane and/or get dizzy for standing too long. Whenever I exercise, go rowing, head out for an adventure on my bike, go for a walk. Every day, tracking my food to make sure I eat enough. It's with me at every doctor appointment, pushing for evaluation and treatment.

I've spent the last eight years trying to convince others that my independence isn't anything special, that taking care of myself isn't heroic. And I stand by that, but that soapbox blinded me to the strength it takes me to get through each day. That ability to keep pushing switched from goals like marathons to surviving each day.. I'm finally seeing that I'm just pushing through a different kind of marathon. On good days, I can see the push and I can feel it as I'm able to do more. On bad days, I now need to recognize that it's still there, just in a different way.